Women who end up in dangerous and pathological relationships often end up there because they like (or find interesting) ‘living on the edge.’ They don’t like their lives boring and that extends to liking men who are ‘edgey’ as well. No boring normal ‘geek’ men–Nope! The more the edge/bad boy/outlaw/rebel (or the more you perceive they need some support to keep an honest life afloat) the more you like them.
This ‘edge-walking’ landed you right in the lap of a dangerous and pathological man. In the beginning edgey seems ‘neutral’ — it’s too early to know that his edgey-ness is going to cost you. All you know is he’s a long way from boring and that’s ok with you.
It’s before you knew that:
- His ‘edge’ is emotionally addicting for you
- That his edge is narcissism (or worse!)
- That his edge is about rejecting authority
- That his edge isn’t the cool ‘James Dean’ type of edge
- That this edge is all about him
- That his edge consumes your self esteem for lunch
- That his edge doesn’t make YOU cool for being with him
- That his edge doesn’t mean you an ‘in’ girl to love someone like him
- That’s before your realized his edge isn’t about you or your own enjoyment of everything edgey
- It’s before you realized his edge wasn’t something for you to ‘tame’ a bad boy or ‘heal’ a wounded one
That’s before you knew that his ‘edge’ can’t be fixed, counseled, medicated, or churched.
His edge can’t be loved into something less savage and more soothing.
That’s before you realized his edge isn’t artsy, educational, intellectual, musical, poetic or religious. His edge isn’t about riding his convertible fast, or having daring sex or risky financial investments. His edge isn’t about his party lifestyle or his command presence when others are around.
That’s before you realized that his edge isn’t about the sad stories he told about his life to use as emotional bonding with you, before you realized that his edge was really just a trail of wounded women behind him. That’s before you realized that his edge was unrelenting lying, broken promises, and changes he could never make no matter how long he promised or how hard he tried.
That’s before your realized his edge really wasn’t brilliance unrecognized, charm unspoiled, or love unrequited.
That’s before you realized that his edge was one thing…and one thing only.
His edge was pathology.
(**Information about pathological love relationships is in our award winning book Women Who Love Psychopaths and is also available in our retreats, 1:1s, or phone sessions. See the website for more info.)
