Once upon a time, the Road Runner* was being chased through the desert by Wile E. Coyote.* Wile E. was shooting arrows at the Road Runner. Road Runner, being a creative and resourceful bird, found a u-shaped water gutter and held it up. The arrows went into the gutter, made a u-turn and went right back at the coyote.
‘What,’ you may ask, ‘does this story have to do with my recovery?’ My answer: Everything! The Road Runner used what was used against it to keep safe. What was used against you? The answer is mind control induced by hypnosis. Even though it is not likely your abuser studied hypnosis, by the mere fact of having been in a pathological relationship, the components of hypnosis were present and kept you in that relationship.
You may be thinking that you were never hypnotized or that you can’t be hypnotized. Consider this: Have you ever driven on the highway and wondered how you passed seven exits on that highway without even noticing them? You were daydreaming. Daydreaming is a form of hypnotic trance. In fact, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. It is simply hyper-focusing on one thing while blocking out other things. This can account for your ‘Super Trait’ of high tolerance to emotional pain. The ability to block out painful things while focusing on the pleasure of the relationship is not only part of hypnosis, its part of the ‘Super Trait’ of tolerance.
Combine this with the high intensity that your abuser brought to the relationship, the hyper-focus created by traumatic events, the verbal abuse that was received as hypnotic suggestions during these vulnerable times, and repeat this over time with varying levels of severity and you have the components of mind control. This is how one becomes programmed with the abusers’ beliefs and values, which replace one’s own beliefs and values. (Read Chapter 10 of “Women Who Love Psychopaths” 2nd Edition)
This level of mind control and programming can be helped and lessened with a form of hypnotherapy called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In fact, we can take what was used against you in the form of mind control and turn it around using N.L.P.! Many people get apprehensive about hypnosis and fear they will be unconscious and under the control of the hypnotherapist. Or worse yet, open themselves to demonic, evil, or inappropriate suggestions or influence. This is not true.
Hypnotherapy is simply a state of deep relaxation and mental alertness. Clients can hear and respond to everything and are active participants in the session. They have complete control over what they will or will not do. Hypnotherapy is merely a way to access your subconscious mind to achieve the goals that you want to achieve. That’s because anything you have learned can be unlearned and replaced by new learning. In fact, in situations of mind control, it SHOULD be unlearned and replaced.
What Is N.L.P. and How Does It Work?
N.L.P. is a type of internal and emotional experience. Each N.L.P. experience takes about 10-20 minutes. N.L.P. focuses on how thoughts, actions and feelings work together to produce our experience. Our thoughts and memories have a pattern to them. When we change that pattern or structure, our experience will automatically change. With it, you can change your thoughts, feelings and behavior and add new ones that can become just as systematic as the old ones (and a lot more enjoyable). N.L.P. exercises are like thought experiments and the laboratory is your mind providing you with a chance to try out something new in your thinking patterns. We can neutralize painful memories and enrich memories that serve us. This changes the present which can create a better, brighter future.
A few ways N.L.P. may help your aftermath:
- create a compelling future and a personal map to it
- clear up past negative experiences that might have held you back
- interrupt traumatic replay in which you keep picking the same traumatic situations/people types over and over again
- increase your self appreciation
- create a solid positive mental attitude
- change thoughts, feelings and behaviors
- solidify your recovery
Common Resistance to N.L.P./Hypnotherapy
You may think that you can’t visualize and are wondering if you can even use or benefit from N.L.P. Yes you can! N.L.P. simply uses all your five senses. It uses your inner voice, sensations, feelings and images as the basic building blocks of your mental and physical resources. Since you already have these building blocks, you will always have them. That means anyone can use N.L.P.
You can choose to use a resource the way you want at the times when you want it. In any situation you can learn to choose how you want to feel and how you want to respond. Motivation, persuasion, confidence, self love, decision making and creativity are all resources you can learn.
In the movie “The Edge”, Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin were being stalked by a bear in the forests of Alaska. An N.L.P. basic principle was stated in the movie, “What one man (or woman) can do, another man (or woman) can do.” Hopkins got Baldwin to repeat and believe this truth when Baldwin started to panic. It saved their lives.
Try this similar N.L.P. activity (from the landmark book “N.L.P. The New Technology of Achievement” by Steve Andreas and Charles Falkner, which can be ordered from N.L.P. Comprehensive):
- Make what you want to do and think about into a positive statement. (It can’t be anything that hurts you or someone else.)
- Increase the mental vividness of what you want to do in order to increase its attractiveness to you.
- Associate into these successful behaviors and mentally rehearse them so they feel natural.
- Google N.L.P. psychotherapists in your area, make an appointment and get assistance from a licensed professional to create the life that you want.
* Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner were created by Chuck Jones and belong to the Warner Brothers Corporation.
