Red Flag Warnings

by Grace Belafonte, Life Coach

RED FLAG WARNINGS are clues that emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, and/or sexual danger may be on the horizon. Consider that not every red flag listed below means you are dealing with a pathological. It means you better look deeper. The more red flags an individual displays, the stronger the indication is of a potential pathology.

• You get overcome by an anxious feeling when you are around that person
• You get a feeling that something isn’t quite right, but you cannot figure it out.
• You feel uneasy allowing him or her to be alone in your house, but you’re uncertain why
• You get a creepy feeling when he or she stares into your eyes
• You feel drained after spending time with this person
• You feel anger or hostile when he or she speaks
• You feel very self-conscious or inadequate around him or her

• Your teeth clench and jaws get sore
• You get nauseated when dealing with that person
• You get headaches around that person
• Your heart rate elevates in his or her presence (mistaken for attraction, rather than fear)
• You get twitches or sweaty palms when in close proximity

• A friend makes a negative comment about that person’s character or behavior
• Your family members say they are not sure if they like him, or admit actual dislike
• Someone asks you what happened to his wife when you did not know he was married
• Your friends begin to disappear from your life when he/she is around
• People do not seem to warm up to him/her easily

• S/He is living with parents or renting a room from someone
• S/He does not have a car
• S/He does not have a job
• S/He has been in several short-lived relationships
• S/He has just come out of a relationship
• S/He has no furniture
• S/He is incredibly tight with money and wants you to pay often or all of the time
• S/He does not have many friends
• S/He is abrasive, controlling, and inflexible
• S/He seems to be insincere in compliments given to others
• S/He seems to have no concern for others
• S/He is secretive or mysterious and has unusual beliefs or habits
• S/He asks you early in the relationship to loan money
• S/He is drinking or drugging excessively or new to a 12-step program
• S/He has come from an abusive home
• S/He enjoys others shortcomings and acts superior to others
• S/He is very charming at times, but can be very harsh with a short fuse
• S/He seems unable to empathize with others
• S/He is a victim of something with an awful hard luck story
• S/He never takes blame for anything; it is always someone else’s fault
• S/He twists and turns events into something favorable to him or her
• S/He can change moods on a dime or is combative towards others
• S/He has lied about the past, hiding children or ex-spouses

This list is not exhaustive. You may come up with your own red flags. The key is to pay attention to them. They are your best protection as they help you to get out early or at least to know what you’re dealing with. ( (All articles are copyrighted and cannot be reproduced, however feel free to put a link to this page.)