by Grace Belafonte, Life Coach
The only thing worse than being in the aftermath of a pathological relationship is getting involved in a new pathological relationship!
Before you get involved in another relationship, give yourself time to heal and reveal why you were in a pathological relationship in the first place. Before you are a psychopath’s PICK, learn what makes you TICK! Do not get into another relationship for at least one year. If that sounds impossible, you might already have a hint to the WHY behind your unfortunate journey. Keep in mind, it takes most people four to five pathological relationships before they STOP!
Do a complete relationship inventory. In the workbook for ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man before You Get Involved’, you will get an opportunity to survey your relationships. If you are willing to look, you will see life-changing information in your history. If you are honest with yourself, you will probably see your part in the ordeal. You cannot move out of being a victim unless you see why you were vulnerable.
You must heed red flag warnings, but, before you can do that, you need to see them! Most victims will tell you that they did NOT experience the same creepy feeling about the psychopath that their friends and family did. And, they will tell you that they DID ignore what they later learned were flaming hot red flags waving wildly right before their very eyes. Additionally, they would not even listen to the warnings of others when they were told of the red flags they should be heeding.
Read, study, and go to therapy. Understand pathology and how it impacts your life. Learn what healthy love is and what it is not. If you have been in multiple pathological relationships you will need to unlearn your beliefs about relationships and take on new healthy beliefs. Learn how to set FIRM boundaries. Boundaries will save your life. With weak boundaries and a caring heart you are putty in the hands of a pathological.
Live a rich, full life. Create the life you desire or at least set goals and get on the path. Find your passion again. What makes you feel good? If you are a LONELY VICTIM, you send out radar signals to pathologicals. Loneliness smells like a filet mignon to a hungry psychopath.
Go where the love is, you deserve to be loved and to love freely. Connect or reconnect with people who are solid for you. Put yourself in the center of loving, accepting people who add to your life. Ask someone to help you stick with reality when Prince Charming knocks at your door. People who love you unconditionally will most likely serve as a mirror for you. Be open to their input.
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