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This note is to say I continue to be impressed by the brilliant articles, most especially those in the Aug. 10th 2010 Institute newsletter. I am often very moved and sometimes emotionally disturbed when I read the articles that are so articulate and so “right on” regarding psychopaths. I often print them so that I can keep them for future reference.
I loved Sandra’s article!
I especially related to the article by Jennifer Young on Trait Examination. It was as if she was describing me!!!!
And, the article by Harrison Koehli on Petty Tyrants was also brilliant, perfectly describing the character of the smooth psychopath that invaded and tainted my life, an affliction I am still trying to psychologically rid myself of.
Thank you! I feel that finally I know there are people out there (you) that get it, that understand what it is like to have had a psychopath cross their path. – HS
Every time I read and re-read one of your newsletters, I am so thankful that I found you and this site.
it has been valuable beyond what I can express, and I am very grateful for your research and your honest and competent advice. I am doing so much better with the insights I have gained into the psychopaths as well as my own history, behavior and pre-disposition to tolerate the intolerable. I find myself more and more at peace, and I am beginning to enjoy being a single and unattached lady. I feel that I am better equipped to make positive choices in my life, and in no small way I have you to thank for that! – PH
Our Telephone Coaching Services and Other Products…
It was 2 years ago, that I decided “enough is enough”, actually when my eyes were opened to the dynamics of DV.
Your materials, (Women Who Love Psychopaths and How to Break Up, and others), incl. 1 phone coaching with you and one support group session, that kept me going the path of healing and understanding what was happening in our family and my involvement. Along side of course taking your recommendation to finding a counselor in my area able to help me (after 3 attempts of different social workers). The mind control I have endured was tremendous and I was only able to pick it apart layer after layer. My insight grew, my FOG (Fear-Obligation-Guilt) subsided slowly and my children gained and healed with me, as I grew stronger in the truth and reality of my past relationship of many years.
There was a time when it was your regular newsletters hitting my inbox that were my lifeline and gave me the encouragement I needed and guidance in what to do next. The “no-contact-rule” was what at times took everything out of me. To hang on to that and deliberately stick by that rule was my prevail. I gave getting out of this relationship all I could, besides working, keeping my kids in their normal activities in school and sports and being their Mom, keeping them safe and protected. Even though he is still lurking around. Here and there he pops up, other people leave messages for him on our phone, he gives them our # for his messages. Still the “no contact rule” applies. I guess it will take a while for him to figure these messages will never reach him…
But it all paid off.
I am writing you this letter to let you know of my deep gratitude to your hard work and perseverance for our cause of educating people and hopefully saving lives, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I know it is an exhausting and painful path, but your passion is contagious. At least it helps me to not just be a survivor but passes on the desire to help, educate and live a victorious life for others to follow. There will always be the ones that like victimhood and learn to cope with dependency and abuse in their own sick way of life. But this world is richer by several people that were saved and matured through your efforts. We are a happier family, we are close and each one of us active in their own way of making a difference in society for public awareness and healthy living.
Once again, THANK YOU soooo much for ALL you and your Institute is doing and stands for. It saved our lives…:)
I am so grateful to the friend who told me about your book, WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS.
And I am so very grateful to you for the extensive study and perseverance in bringing this information to those who have stumbled into destructive relationships through no fault of our own.
I am pleasantly surprised that both of your books have worked “like magic.” First the awareness from reading the books that I was not losing my mind, but that it had only been temporarily “highjacked” and that someone not only understood what had happened to me, but could it explain it scientifically. – SL
Finally able to buy a book of Sandra L. Brown, M.A.’s and devouring her articles and those of others on this topic, I am finally getting better…Thank you so much for being there. I am finally coming out of the Twilight Zone of Hell. – BR
I hope many people do so, but I would also like to personally thank you for your work. Both your e-book on dangerous women and book on dangerous men show a deep psychological insight with the ability to create a clearly defined, well established frame for the wealth of indispensable information you have been providing. You have helped me enormously both in my partner selection and desire to achieve a deeper understanding in human development and relationship.
I sincerely wish you all the success you can have in your field of work, since yours is especially important, essential practice for many, while being immaculately scientific.
It was not easy to obtain your book on dangerous men; I hope that it will never go out of publication, and there will be more copies available for people to have a better education in these life-defining skills. – MV
My life was a mess during the aftermath of my marriage to a psychopath, short-lived though it was. I was seeing a shrink when I stumbled upon your book. Neither the shrink nor I knew we were dealing with a psychopath but the book is what saved me.
Thanks for that!
Still dealing with life altering medical issues (PTSD, Anxiety, Chronic Fatigue) that were triggered by my experience, but I’ve gotten the rotten bum out of my life.
Our Award-Winning Book, Women Who Love Psychopaths…
This Book Saved My Sanity
I am an educated professional woman who owns my own business. I have had a successful career and social life. Until I got involved with a psychopath. What seemed like the perfect man, in reality, turned out to be a monster. He could be incredibly cruel one minute, and then loving the next. My whole world was turned upside down as this man would pull me in one direction and then another. I was a confused mess. When I read this book, I realized what I was dealing with. I realized that no amount of “therapy” would ever help our relationship and that a psychopath cannot change who he is. This book pulled me back from the brink of disaster and I highly recommend it to anyone involved in a toxic relationship. These people are truly dangerous, and they can be lurking under the radar almost anywhere. – K, from an Amazon review
THE BEST BOOK TO BUY FOR REAL ANSWERS
I purchased this book at a time when I believed I would lose my mind while in and after a very dysfunctional, chaotic relationship. I asked myself “why?” probably a million times and felt so stuck and so afraid. I entered therapy and read everything I could get my hands on to get the answers I needed as I thought I was going to lose my mind. It is no exaggeration when I write that this book saved my life – emotionally, spiritually and physically as I indeed was becoming ill. This book was the catalyst to recovery. If you want the answers as to what makes him/her tick, why he/she functions the way they do, why you are in such a relationship and what makes YOU tick, you must have this book. It will become your Bible to strength and recovery. You will read it over and over again. It is the only book that resonates with what you are really experiencing. Be prepared for a shocking and emotional read… – S, from an Amazon review
Women Who Love Psychopaths
As a victim healing from a brief but emotionally and financially devastating marriage with a psychopath / sociopath, I’ve read and re-read this book for deeper understanding and clarity. You will never find a better overall resource in your journey. – D, from an Amazon review
Backed by Research
This, along with the Lundy Bancroft book (“Why Does He Do That…”), are the two books I recommend most to my students when they come to me with woes about a psychopath in their lives. Sandra L. Brown, M.A. has done something that others have not, and that is to administer questionnaires to collect data on the traits of those often “targeted” by psychopaths and identify their super-traits. If a psychopath has recently invaded your world and you are not familiar with Cluster B traits, then this book will give you a course on it — but it goes further in letting you know what attracts them to you so that you can know what to watch for in the future. That is not to say that the author is critical of the target, because she is not; as a matter-of-fact, some of the super-traits are what we often label as most desirable ones to have in our society. This book will leave you feeling enlightened. – C, from an Amazon review
Our Advanced Education for Therapist In-Person Training…
I was truly moved by your workshop last week at the University of San Diego. I pride myself in having gained a lot of insight having worked with offenders over the last year, but your talks and knowledge helped me to see how much more there is to understand in working with women who love psychopaths. Having purchased your book, I haven’t been able to put it down. It inspires me to want to understand more of the women and the men who are involved in domestic violence and doing my dissertation on the topic. – V
I attended the training that you presented for the Army in San Antonio last week.
I am so grateful that you were one of the presenters for us. I am a drug and alcohol counselor for the Army and licensed in both mental health and substance abuse counseling at the Master’s level. Thanks for the work you do. Your resources on you website will definitely be part of my professional use.
I wrote a short review for amazon.com…and it was brief BECAUSE the entire
book is compiled with data, explanation, reason, and connectivity. There is
no fluff within the covers. I would like to post the book repeatedly on
The reasons we find ourselves captivated by these “alien essences” can be
brought to light and you do this with clarity and an empathic comprehension –
especially within the awareness of women because it is embarrassing being
caught in the lure of sexuality. We are intelligent…and capable…and yet,
we succumbed to some fairy tale -you explain the release of hormones and the
staging by the psychopath, even the differentiation in his use of language.
We who have been taught that communication is the tool for problem solving
find ourselves in the Twilight Zone. In so many fields and places in our
lives, we have no answers and even negatively critical judgments about “our
behavior.” We are being held to incompatible standards. There exist so many
conflicts with belief systems, ideologies, and spiritual and religious
principles where compassion is revered. It seems that we victims have been
“hoisted on our own petards.”
As an aside, I am seeing if I can purchase the book for Betty LaLuna, Narc
RAIDER – as a help to her…and her directions (I have appreciated her blogs)
….your book, Ms. Brown covers everything I questioned….and it is an
affirmation that “something wicked this way comes.” I don’t mean to sound so
melodramatic that my email is discounted. The AHA-moments were almost at
every page, and most assuredly in every chapter. There is – if one enjoys
science fiction – a correlation with the short-lived TV show, “Threshold.”
Awareness takes time.
I know many on blogs are nutters in their own right, mostly because they have
not found the data to help themselves. So many therapists have simply not
understood and the “pie-in-the-sky” New Thought folks have not come in
contact with this form of “alien” presence. It’s not that it is evil (maybe
– ?), but the two philosophies for life – those in healthy (just the ups and
downs of routine dysfunctions, perhaps) states and those suffering
psychopathy are simply incompatible. Your phrase, “relationships of
inevitable harm” will forever ring true to me.
Here is the BIG QUESTION – and one ripe for a new book….because the numbers
of psychopaths appear to be rising, how are we to live with these beings? I
understand the no contact rule and it is VITAL…but in the long run with the
thought that these people cannot be treated, for humanity, what are we to do?
I diverged from the reason you have this email listed. Every chapter in your
book has dog-eared corners in my home. I carry it with me to the restroom, I
return it to the coffee table…and I USE it for reference.
As always in this life, the lessons are much more about myself. AND your
treatment of us victims is kind, observant, and chocked full of evaluational
data. I am floored and delighted that there are explanations for super
traits rather than that we have “failed” to be bright enough, wise enough, or
even aware enough. I gleaned that my traits might just be valuable.
Somewhere the patriarchal (and yet, I have learned that men can be victims,
also) guidelines have become overly and overtly zealous. I don’t believe it
is as simplistic as relationships with authority that comes into question,
although, our deep seated thoughts on “happily ever after” probably filters
many of our personal scope of evaluations.
I am never quite as trusting as once I was…and because I have daughters and
grandsons, I am alert to those in our realm and my own reactions to them.
I’m not paranoid, but neither do I let a brief intuitive feeling flow past
without a moment of appraisal.
I wrote this (below) – and share it….so much is falling into place for me
(and MANY others) because of THIS book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, in
particular. I have read your other works, but this one is of monumental
importance! There must be a more moving way to say this. It struck a chord
of complete connection and affirmation within my very being and soul. There
is REASON for the chaos into which I fell. And all with the best of
intentions. It is not concisely ONE AHA-moment, but everything in your book.
The explanations cover daily life with a psychopath…the lure, the
treatment, the forever changing terrain and MOST importantly the way we who
fall prey respond. For me, this book relates to my daily heartaches, fears,
anguish, and quest for my ideal. Not just of the relationship, but of the
“me” I knew before this fear-fest of an encounter. The absolute torture was
in the faltering grasp of my own humanity. AND to have AGREEMENT is CRUCIAL
for survival…not just mouthed upsets and emotions, but to comprehend the
why’s. Interestingly, as I look over this email, I see the feelings
expressed. Our society seems to be based on these very emotions and the need
to join and establish rapport. Transferring our thoughts and feelings onto
this “other” who is called a psychopath reminds me of Michael Crichton’s
book, Sphere. ” What if the contact with an alien or artifact has no frame of
reference for us as human beings” is the gist of the novel. It appears to
have come to life today.