Index: Articles by Jennifer Young



How People Regard You—I’m Not What You Say I Am
May 2nd, 2017

Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services ~ “We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~ (François Duc de La Rochefoucauld) Life isn’t all about appearances. Life is about movement, awareness, insight, change, compassion. Life is about interactions with others. As we move through the


What Do You Tell Them
January 24th, 2017

By Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services “Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.”  ~ Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield “I was in a relationship with a psychopath.”  What an opener, right?  Starting with the harsh truth isn’t always the best way to begin a


Want to Buy Me Dinner?
November 8th, 2016

By Jennifer Young, LMHC If you owe me dinner—raise your hand.  For the last several years I’ve been making bets with women all over the country.  The conversation goes something like this: Me: “So, we know that once you are in the speed dial, you’ll always be in the speed dial.  Cluster Bs don’t know how to do closure and he will contact you again.  Not


What Will You Do
October 4th, 2016

By Jennifer Young, LMHC In May, 2012, Vicki Bolling lay dying in her front yard, shot three times by her husband. The local news reports said that the death of Ms. Bolling was no surprise to her sons. According to news accounts, her sons reported that she suffered years of physical and emotional abuse that included threats, manipulation and intimidation. She


Moving Day – Time to Lighten Your Load
March 29th, 2016

There comes a time when carrying around too much stuff becomes unbearable. You’ve dragged other peoples stuff through the joy and the muck of your life because you felt obligated. You’ve believed that if you carried it, they would move on, get out of your way, change. Well, that load gets heavy and as you carry other peoples stuff I am guessing that you have


The Gift of Time-Managing the Pace of a New Relationship
March 1st, 2016

 “Time ripens all things; with time all things are revealed; time is the father of truth.” ~Francois Rabelais There is one task in dating after a pathological relationship: to discern pathology from non-pathology before you are hurt. In order to achieve this task, you must be prepared to buy yourself some time. Pathology is not decided by one event– not one


Your Cup Runneth Over and How to Put a Lid on It
February 2nd, 2016

Your cup runneth over; therefore, you are at risk…but because it runneth over you can survive. There are some who see their cup as half full with the perspective that life is full of opportunity and hope. There are some who see their cup as half empty with the perspective that life is a struggle and trouble abounds. But…. what if your cup "runneth" over? What


The Value of Good Judgment
January 26th, 2016

Judgment: an opinion or decision that is based on careful thought; the act or process of forming an opinion or making a decision after careful thought; the ability to make good decisions about what should be done. –www.Merriam-Webster.comJudgment is a process. It is a thing that we all do and need to do in order to make choices in life. You must have a judgment


Feeling Sentimental?
December 29th, 2015

Valentine’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, your birthday, your anniversary, the birth of a baby, a promotion, a graduation … feeling sentimental? I bet you are! You might be feeling a bit of tenderness, compassion, joy, sadness, anger?? It doesn’t take much. Just the idea of these holidays or events can elicit a


Feeling Sentimental?
December 28th, 2015

Valentine’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, your birthday, your anniversary, the birth of a baby, a promotion, a graduation … feeling sentimental? I bet you are! You might be feeling a bit of tenderness, compassion, joy, sadness, anger?? It doesn’t take much. Just the idea of these holidays or events can elicit a


The Challenge of Being Thankful
November 24th, 2015

By Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services   “Rest and be thankful.” ~William Wordsworth  During this month of Thanksgiving it is certainly appropriate to evaluate what you are thankful for. Now that might be a little challenging considering the wreckage of a Pathological Love Relationship, so be thankful that this article has arrived in


Beyond Power and Control
October 27th, 2015

By Jennifer Young, LMHC Intimate partner violence is not just about power and control. As valuable as the Duluth Model has been in helping us to make a turn in the right direction towards saving women’s lives, we must allow our work to evolve. The good news is that it has evolved – we now know much more about how people work, the brain and neuroscience and the


Breathe
September 22nd, 2015

by Jennifer Young, LMHC “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” - Thich Nhat Hanh Your breath is your life. It is the power that moves you. It is the energy that drives you. It is the fire that keeps you alive. Your breath keeps you focused on the task at hand. Your breath helps you slow down and relax. Your


Acceptance
July 28th, 2015

By Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services “I’m not wise, but the beginning of wisdom is there; it’s like relaxing into —and an acceptance of—things.” ~Tina Turner   Think about standing under a waterfall. Feel the power of the water hitting your body. Now picture yourself attempting to hold that water back. Stop the water from flowing over the


Controlled Contact
December 2nd, 2014

“The most dangerous thing is illusion.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson It really is. Illusion is dangerous. As much as you want to be rid of the horror of a pathological relationship, as much as you want the chaos to end, as much as you try to make the quiet moments a sign of peace, it is all really an illusion. Just because it’s over does not mean that it’s done. In


The Challenge of Being Thankful
November 25th, 2014

“Rest and be thankful.” ~William Wordsworth  During this month of Thanksgiving it is certainly appropriate to evaluate what you are thankful for. Now that might be a little challenging considering the wreckage of a pathological relationship, so be thankful this article has arrived in your inbox! We would like to offer some reminders of the blessings of


Compassion is a Funny Thing
November 11th, 2014

Compassion is such an important trait to possess. It implies a caring for others which includes understanding, awareness and identifying with others. It is the acknowledgement that you "get" them. You clearly understand not only who they are but also their pain and hurt. You are the person who feels what others feel. With your compassion you not only feel what


My Cup is Empty… Can You Help Me Out?
November 4th, 2014

A pathological relationship might begin with the Attraction Cocktail of excitement-seeking, extraversion and competitiveness, but soon it evolves into something more… it requires something more to feed it. What a pathological relationship must have is Cooperation, Helpfulness and Compassion. I am sure you are thinking these are not really the things you might


The Attraction Cocktail, Part 2 – Dominance and Competitiveness
June 24th, 2014

By Jennifer Young, LMHC Last time we talked about the first two ingredients of the Attraction Cocktail - Excitement Seeking and Extraversion. The final main component of the Attraction Cocktail is Dominance and then, just a splash of Competitiveness. Now, Dominance! This is another one that, at first thought, you might say, “What, who me? I am surely not


The Attraction Cocktail, Part 1 – Excitement Seeking and Extraversion
June 17th, 2014

“People can be induced to swallow anything, provided it is sufficiently seasoned with praise” – Molière  You might be asking yourself “Why me?” Why did you get to be the one to end up in this crazy relationship? What did you do wrong to land THIS guy? The answer begins with what could be called the “Attraction Cocktail”. There is this powerful potion that has


How People Regard You—I’m Not What You Say I Am
March 4th, 2014

Jennifer Young, LMHC ~ “We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~ (François Duc de La Rochefoucauld) Life isn’t all about appearances. Life is about movement, awareness, insight, change, compassion. Life is about interactions with others. As we move through the world, we move through it


Challenge the Thought
February 18th, 2014

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt You own one thing: your mind.  That’s it.  There are things that you possess, like your books, your shoes, or your jewelry.  But the only thing that you own is what goes on between your ears.  No one can take it from you, no one can buy it from you, and no one can rent space in it. Now,


Stay in the Right Position: What I did over Christmas break
January 7th, 2014

By Jennifer Young, LMHC This Christmas break I went skiing…sort of. It was a trip that required lots of planning. I live in Florida and snow skiing is not exactly something we do often. Prior to attempting this feat I decided to take a lesson at the local outdoor shop. Here in Florida, ski lessons happen on a carpeted conveyor belt that rises like a little


The Challenge of Being Thankful
November 26th, 2013

“Rest and Be Thankful.” –William Wordsworth During this month of Thanksgiving it is certainly appropriate to evaluate what you are thankful for. Now, that might be a little challenging considering the wreckage of a pathological relationship so be thankful that this article has arrived in your inbox. We would like to offer some reminders of the blessings of


Challenge the Thought
July 16th, 2013

By Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt You own one thing: your mind. That’s it. There are things that you possess, like your books, your shoes, or your jewelry. But the only thing that you own is what goes on between your ears. No one can take it from you, no one can


Acceptance
July 9th, 2013

by Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Survivor Services “I’m not wise, but the beginning of wisdom is there; it’s like relaxing into —and an acceptance of—things.” ~Tina Turner Think about standing under a waterfall. Feel the power of the water hitting your body. Now picture yourself attempting to hold that water back. Stop the water from flowing over the


What Do You Tell Them?
June 18th, 2013

By Jennifer Young, LMHC “Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.” ~ Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield “I was in a relationship with a psychopath.” What an opener, right? Starting with the harsh truth isn’t always the best way to begin a conversation. One of the most difficult


I’m Screaming- Are You Listening?
June 11th, 2013

By Jennifer Young, LMHC, Director of Client Services “No matter how confused, self-doubting, or ambivalent we are about what's happening in our interactions with other people, we can never entirely silence the inner voice that always tells us the truth. We may not like the sound of the truth, and we often let it murmur just outside our consciousness, not


Compassion is a Funny Thing
May 21st, 2013

By Jennifer Young, LMHC Compassion IS a funny thing. Not funny haha – but funny ironic. There are not many character traits that can be so needed and so manipulated. The world requires compassion. In many ways it is what links us all together. Compassion is the connection that strings us together. We feel when someone half way around the world shares their


Want to Buy Me Dinner?
May 14th, 2013

By Jennifer Young, LMHC If you owe me dinner—raise your hand. For the last several years I’ve been making bets with women all over the country. The conversation goes something like this: Me: “So, we know that once you are in the speed dial, you’ll always be in the speed dial. Cluster B’s don’t know how to do closure and he will contact you again. Not


My Cup is Empty…Can You Help Me Out?
April 30th, 2013

Pathological relationships might begin with the Attraction Cocktail of excitement-seeking, extraversion and competiveness but soon it evolves to something more…it requires something more to feed it.  What a pathological relationship must have is Cooperation, Helpfulness and Compassion.  I am sure you are thinking that these are not really the things that you


Breathe
April 23rd, 2013

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” - ThichNhatHanh Your breath is your life.  It is the power that moves you. It is the energy that drives you.  It is the fire that keeps you alive.  Your breath keeps you focused on the task at hand.  Your breath helps you slow down and relax.  Your breath moves through your


Little Red Riding Hood Revisited
April 9th, 2013

This is part of a series of articles with a focus on issues related to dating after a pathological relationship; this is one of the specific areas that The Institute is asked about all the time. It is a complicated issue, as are most of the recovery issues related to pathological relationships. I will explore and focus on strategies to that will help ensure that


Controlled Contact
April 2nd, 2013

“The most dangerous thing is illusion”-Ralph Waldo Emerson It really is.  Illusion is dangerous.  As much as you want to be rid of the horror of a pathological relationship; as much as you want the chaos to end; as much as you try to make the quiet moments a sign of peace, it is all really an illusion.  Just because it’s over does not mean that it’s done.  In


Feeling Sentimental?
February 19th, 2013

By Jennifer Young, MS Director of Survivor Services for The Institute Valentines Day, Easter, Memorial Day, The Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas; Your birthday, your anniversary, the birth of a baby, a promotion, a graduation. Feeling sentimental? I bet you are! You might be feeling a bit of tenderness, compassion, joy, sadness or anger. It


7 Ways to Reduce Relationship Stress
February 15th, 2013

Do you feel like there is a huge brick wall between you and your significant other? You're screaming at each other trying to make yourself understood but this wall keeps making your message come through garbled on the other side? You're not alone. This is one of the biggest problems with relationships. So many so called experts say there is a lack of


Signs of Relationship Stress
February 13th, 2013

We are all searching for the perfect relationship. We have ideals of what the perfect relationship should be like. In a perfect world we would all have that. It is unrealistic to expect that all of your relationships will be perfect. Many relationships will contain signs of relationship stress that we may choose to ignore simply because we want the perfect


The Gift of Time-Managing the Pace of a New Relationship
January 22nd, 2013

This year I will begin a series of articles with a focus on issues related to dating after a pathological relationship; this is one of the specific areas that The Institute is asked about all the time. It is a complicated issue, as are most of the recovery issues related to pathological relationships. I will explore and focus on strategies to that will help


Touched by Tragedy
January 13th, 2013

On Friday, December 14, 2012 America was touched by tragedy again.  In Newtown, Connecticut 27 adults and children lost their lives and all of their family and friends felt the ripple of fear, anger, loss, and grief.  This type of tragedy unfortunately is not unusual in our society.  Across the country there have been countless mass shootings in the last several


Reducing Relationship Stress This Christmas
December 18th, 2012

For many couples Christmas can a stressful time. What is meant to joyous and relaxing time can simply become a stream of expectation management with 'trying to keep everyone happy' being the ultimate goal. The irony is the more we try to keep everyone happy the less happy we are and the more pressure we end of placing on our loved ones. Understandably, the


What Will You Do?
July 14th, 2012

In May, 2012, Vicki Bolling lay dying in her front yard, shot three times by her husband. The local news reports say that the death of Ms. Bolling was no surprise to her sons. According to news accounts, her sons report that she suffered years of physical and emotional abuse that included threats, manipulation and intimidation. She was married for 30 years. Her


I’m Not What You Say I Am
September 6th, 2011

I’m Not What You Say I Am  “We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.”  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld Life isn’t all about appearances.  Life is about movement, awareness, insight, change, compassion.  Life is about interactions with others.  As we move through the world we move through it


I’m Screaming- Are You Listening?
May 13th, 2011

  “No matter how confused, self-doubting, or ambivalent we are about what's happening in our interactions with other people, we can never entirely silence the inner voice that always tells us the truth.  We may not like the sound of the truth, and we often let it murmur just outside our consciousness, not stopping long enough to listen.  But when we pay


Compassion is a Funny Thing
February 22nd, 2011

Compassion is such an important trait to posses.  It implies a caring for others that includes understanding, awareness, identifying with others.  It is the acknowledgement that you "get" them.  You clearly understand not only who they are but you understand their pain…their hurt.  You are the person who feels what others feel.  With your compassion you not only


My Cup is Empty…Can You Help Me Out?
November 29th, 2010

Pathological relationships might begin with the Attraction Cocktail of excitement-seeking, extraversion and competiveness but soon it evolves to something more…it requires something more to feed it.  What a pathological relationship must have is Cooperation, Helpfulness and Compassion.  I am sure you are thinking that these are not really the things that you


Your Cup Runneth Over and How to Put a Lid on It
July 28th, 2010

Your cup runneth over therefore you are at risk…but because it runneth over you can survive. There are some who see their cup as half full with the perspective that life is full of opportunity and hope.  There are some who see their cup as half empty with the perspective that life is a struggle and trouble abounds.  But…. what if your cup "runneth" over?  What